You may have taken something thats not yours, but it doesnt mean i wont ever replace it...

“Rape's not something where you just go, "Well, get over it" or "Believe in love and peace, my child, and it'll all be over." Well, fuck you, that isn't the answer. It's a great thought, OK, but you can go and stick crystals up your butt and get on with it. I'm all for love and peace, but that's not the side I work on. If somebody would talk about it, or worse, joke about it, I would be ready to kill. That's not healing. It was a very long time after that before I was able to be with anyone again. And it has never been the same as it was before” - Tori Amos...

Dont ask how that got stuck in my head from way back in the day, but bring up the issue and tori comes to mind. Anyways, rape, what do you really say about it. Its unfair for someone who hasnt dealt with it to really make an opinion, but then again maybe the issue isnt our opinions and out rage over a shirt, maybe we should take a look at the larger picture, the fact that tons of people are raped all the time and nothing is ever done.

I dont feel right making a judgement on such a difficult issue. I think that to make a judgement would only mean that you are being closed minded. Dont for one second think that i am saying rape is okay, im not, but as much as i hate to admit it i can understand both sides of this story. Girls dont ask for it, no one would, but the man who said that has the right to think that if he wants. It may make him look like a really big ass, but if he has the courage to voice his opinions then he knows he will have to deal with the backlash. So here's to you mr.ass, -i think you need to take a good look around at the world, rape can happen to anyone, not just girls, and to think that a girl would ask for her innocense to be stolen from her only gives more power & strength to the pricks who commit the horrible act. Now that i have gotten that out lets move on.

A shirt, a piece of cotton, that shows strength and courage, but can also strike fear in many. Is it right? Is it wrong? Truly i think its neither. If a person is willing to admit that they have fallen victim to an attack then more power to them to voice their courage, but if a person has not yet reached that stage then thats okay too. We all learn in time how to move on, some are willing to admit and others would rather sweep it under the rug, at the end of the day the important part is your own personal well being. The shirt is a good idea, it does bring attention to the issue, but a part of me is screaming out that it will be taken and abused, that it will loose its meaning and become simply a joke that you wear to the bar. I would like to think this is not a possibility but i no it is (how many times do you hear things like "you cant rape the willing"??)

It's such a touchy topic, you dont want to say the wrong thing and have your words mistaken for something you dont mean. It's often not something that is openly talked about on a daily basis and you wouldnt want to offend anyone. This shirt is putting a light on the issue as a whole, which i think is a good thing, it is bringing forth how this happens all the time and so many people are terrified to be open about it or they feel to ashamed to say anything. We are told to be strong, to not depend on others, to keep moving and not break down, but really maybe we need to stop instilling that on ourselves. We need to teach people that its okay to cry, its fine to feel something other than that fake happy facade so many of us put on everyday, that we can not always be an island. there is beauty in the breakdown, to admit you have become a victim of someone or something is not a bad thing. It's okay to talk about it, being open and accepting is the key to a better society, not keeping ourselves closed off and alone. Sure for some of us it works, but at some point i would assume it becomes to much for us to bare by ourselves and we will need to find that someone to confide in or it might just end up tear us apart.

So consider this, roughly every 2 min someone is sexually assaulted, which means if you just spent the last 2-3 min reading this, then at least 1 person has become a victim. Now consider how many of all the victims will come forth and get the justice they deserve, no many, so really in the timespan of this blog, somewhere out there is person who has had a part of them stolen, we will never know them, they will be just another face in the crowd, they can end up being anyone, your friend, your lover, your neighbor, that person next to you in a lecture, the person sitting next to you on a bus. For the rest their life they will have to deal with something that so many of us will never understand, they will know a pain that they will never be able to fix, a part of them has broken, so how do we help fix them? Can we?

Kill Marry F

So how many of you actually know what that is.Well briefly its actually Kill Marry Fuck (and in some cases if you have 4 you can add conjoined)...It's a game, and basically you find a picture of 3 or 4 people and you decide which person you would do each with...how does this come into play you may wonder (by the end of this it all connects)..it seems rather stupid and it is. but i dont no its funny to see who would do wat if they had to...this all sort of came about after watching a youtube vid where the cast of SON had to pick which they would do those 4 things with from the cast of 3 way...this in turn got me thinking more about SON (South Of Nowhere) and how i can relate to it...SON is about this girl, Spencer Carlin, who moves from Ohio to California and meets the intriguing Ashley Davies. Ashley is "not into labels" and Spencer starts out straight, gets a little bended and eventually jump ship and joins the other team. thats the story in a nutshell. but how do i relate, well i dont have an Ashley davies, i didnt move, and i dont have a psycho homophobic mother, but i did have the whole " straight, bend, change"... yes thats right, for anyone who didnt know by now im gay...*pauses for a moment to let you take that in like you didnt already know*...

When you admit to being Gay it's kind of a big deal, i mean you never really know how people are going to take it, will they hate you, love you, ditch you, tell you your going to hell, there are endless possibilities. luckily for me i didnt have that really, parents are good, friends are okay (i sometimes wonder though if they really are), and any one who isnt cool hasnt said much to me yet. In the LGBQTT community (which i have only now really become a part of, but was intrigued by for many years) most would say they were born the way they are, and this is pretty much the only thing i cant figure out for myself. I think perhaps i was, looking back i wasnt into boys (really there was only 1 i liked), but then again its not like i was secretly pinning for girls (at least not really till grade 11)...I was just more on the outside, just sort of like watever, play the straight card, pretend to like boys ( "I was so in Denial" as my friend would say), plaster my walls in pictures of male actors and models (which now i am just to lazy to take down so they are still up there)...i suppose i was probably born this way and thats fine, but i sometimes wonder if it was more of a choice. I choose to like girls over boys maybe its that simple, its not like i have to ( i suppose i could lie and choose boys) but really why lie? Some people would even say since i havent dated a guy a cant possibly for sure be gay, whats with that? that is like telling a blind person they cant enjoy a sunny day cuz they cant see. Its all about feelings and when you crush on a girl for 2-3 years straight and never look at a boy, im pretty sure that makes you fit the profile, add in a few more crushes, a kiss, and well ya it all suddenly makes sense. i mean there is more to this than i am willing to tell, but just trust me on this. inside i no im gay, i no im different, i no what i feel, and i know who i feel wat towards.

Its like the world is a whole new place to me right now, like its the same place i have always been, but now its that much better. i dont spend nights wondering about my future and who i will marry. i dont have to fight with myself over the feelings i had for a girl. i dont feel so out of place and lost. i feel like i fit somewhere. i feel like there are others out there like me. i feel like for once in my life things may actually work out better than i thought. i also feel like the friends i have that stand beside me now are true. that i dont have to worry about them stabbing me in the back. Even though the 2 of them were like "i kinda thought so", it's cool to have them around and at my side. it's even better that the one girl i crushed on for so long, is in no way freaked out over the crush, she knew and now loves to play it up.

That is how i got from one stupid game, to feeling a true connection for once with the world around me. this has been a pretty personal blog and i will try to stay away from that but i am okay with all that i have said, and whether the people who choose to read this decide to accept me or not, it really doesnt matter. i have myself, my family, my friends, and most of all i have a future that looks kinda bright...
...I think i am found....

Hope In A Kink

One Red Paper Clip...one little tiny probably 5 cent item that lead to one lucky man getting a house...it is one interesting idea, to constantly trade one item for another and another, but really was it about just trading?...Not really it was more about the story of the journey that the man took. Trading things is nothig new, but he took it to a new level, he set himself a goal and did what he had to in order to reach that goal. He didnt give up, he just kept at it. He was just a simple man looking for a way to get a house, looking for a future really in just a little red peice of metal. how many people can make a future from something that we all just take for granted? i think more people will really start to try but the truth of the matter is that it doesnt matter who does it now, it was all about Kyle McDonald he was the first and definately not the last...

All You Got

As if it is any surprise really, but i am having a tegan and sara phase for about the 5 time this year...everything about the twin sister duo pulls me to them. the lyrics to their songs, their voices, end product of the songs, and really just them as people. i remember the first time i ever saw anything about them, it was on some old canadian kids show, probably ya to the max or something like. after that i always remember them, they were so different from other musicians during that time, they had short spikey hair (i think one was bleach blonde maybe both), they both had their lips pierced, and they were carrying around acoustic guitars. from that moment on i loved them and even though i didnt buy their album for years to come i always remembered who they were and wanted to know them.

the next time i was exposed to them when their song Dont Confess played on an episode of One Tree Hill...that is where the obsession started. i went out and got If It Was You..then cam So Jealous...i was addicted to those for a good while, usually having one or the other in my car or my cd player...I knew all the lyrics, i could hum any song, i was learning as much about them as i could, and i longed to see them in concert...that was a while ago and my life has changed alot since then, but still the one thing in my life that is still there are those two sisters...

I am 20 yrs old now, i have seen them live in concert, i have every album they have done (even the rarities) and their lyrics are sometimes what really gets me through the day...its not a lie either, i can wake up in the worst mood possible throw on the con and i will belt my heart out and with it goes my problems...i have realized now that perhaps wat i feel in love with so many years ago (the feeling i got watching that crazy little 5 min special) was something that i have just learned to accept. i have found a part of myself in them, and they give so much of themselves in their music, if i could ever thank them for all i have been able to receive as a result of who they are and all that they stand for i dont think i could find the right words. when people complain about them or have a problem with them as much as i try not to care, i do because they have been there for me and i in a way feel obligated to be there for them as well even if they dont no it....Isnt it odd that we can be influenced by something or someone and never be able to tell them just how much they mean to us...?

logb(y) = x

In life we often make choices we don’t think will impact us as much as they end up doing. I made one of those choices. In a split second, by filling out one form, I gave up one of the few things that had always made sense to me. I don’t regret doing it, but I am unhappy with my choice, at least for today. It sounds weird to actually admit this and will it make me sound like a complete geek? Probably. So what is it that I miss??? Math…

Yes it’s true I miss dwelling over numbers and equations. Spending all the effort to find out was x actually equals. Doing numerous spread sheets and filling them with numerous formulas. It’s kind of an odd enjoyment really considering not long ago I used to struggle through almost every math problem I did.

It’s been almost a year since I have done any hard core work. Things I used to have memorized in the back of my head have now escaped my memory. The complex part of my mind seems to have started to die. How you ask did I come to such an odd conclusion you ask? All it took was watching my friend do financial spread sheets. I took one look at the text book and had the urge to solve. Upon leaving high school it was somewhat of a shock to my math teachers (Mr. Bolton, Mr.Hartle, Ms. McDonald, and Ms. Neufeld) that I was choosing a future without the unsolvable x. I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed all you you, but you knew I was never meant to be behind a desk for endless hours.

So as I shed a tear and raise my TI84 Plus for the 11 math credits that I have (and probably will never need) and the 4 of the best teachers I have ever had I have only one thing to ask you…Have you ever felt like you have lost a part of you before???

Let Me Draw You A Floor Plan Of My Head And Heart...

Wrong, Bad, Immoral, Unethical, Unimaginable...all words probably associated with the title "Man Pregnant"...It's a true story, one that is in some way or another is rocking the world. Who would have thought right? Wrong, i mean come on a pregnant man when has that ever happened. It may seem hard to understand, men cant naturally carry a child (sorry guys you get to miss out on that joy in life)...But the pregnant man really isn't a man, well technically he is, but really he once was a woman. Get my point? He is Transgender, but has only had top surgery...

When i really start to think about this the first thought that i get is what a great thing this is, not only for science but for the family. His wife can't carry a baby so he has made a change in his life to make their life together that much more fulfilled. It truly is a great sacrifice, it would be hard enough to come to terms with not feeling like your in the right body and having the guts to make the changes to feel better about yourself, but to actually reverse certain parts of that drastic change so you can bring even more joy to your life is a huge step. The sad part in this story though is the fact that not everyone will look at it with such caring and open eyes.

Being transgender is already a big deal now a days. Heck anything related to GLBT is often black and white when it comes to opinions, grey is not really an option. Love us or hate us - maybe tolerate us (but that is still hate to some extent) is the way it tends to go. this man (and yes he is man despite what people will say about him not being truly a man without having bottom surgery) is not only bringing light to a way of life, but he is also raising the question of how accepting society can be. Many will give this a laugh, or a cruel word, and that is fine if its truly how you feel, but think for a moment - just one - of anytime in your life when someone has put you down...dont tell me it has never happened, we have all been laughed at, called names, talked about...take that feeling, that pain you felt, that lump in your throat, and multiply it by 10...got it? alright well every bad thing you might think about this father to be is making him feel the same way, even if he isn't right in front of you hearing your words. you are not alone in your displeasure with the situation there are tons more out there, and they have voiced their opinions through comments on the numerous articles, to being asked about their feelings on camera, or interviewed for an article...

It's okay if i havent convinced you that at the end of the day that a pregnant man is not something to laugh at and poke fun of. It doesnt matter all that much to me what you think... Just try to remember though, it shouldn't matter who you love or the lifestyle you choose to life, what does matter is the fact that we all the ability to love and we should share it with those around us. I'm not siting beside you right now telling you how wrong some of the things you do are, so why should get the right to the same thing to someone you don't know and who has done nothing to harm you?