You may have taken something thats not yours, but it doesnt mean i wont ever replace it...

“Rape's not something where you just go, "Well, get over it" or "Believe in love and peace, my child, and it'll all be over." Well, fuck you, that isn't the answer. It's a great thought, OK, but you can go and stick crystals up your butt and get on with it. I'm all for love and peace, but that's not the side I work on. If somebody would talk about it, or worse, joke about it, I would be ready to kill. That's not healing. It was a very long time after that before I was able to be with anyone again. And it has never been the same as it was before” - Tori Amos...

Dont ask how that got stuck in my head from way back in the day, but bring up the issue and tori comes to mind. Anyways, rape, what do you really say about it. Its unfair for someone who hasnt dealt with it to really make an opinion, but then again maybe the issue isnt our opinions and out rage over a shirt, maybe we should take a look at the larger picture, the fact that tons of people are raped all the time and nothing is ever done.

I dont feel right making a judgement on such a difficult issue. I think that to make a judgement would only mean that you are being closed minded. Dont for one second think that i am saying rape is okay, im not, but as much as i hate to admit it i can understand both sides of this story. Girls dont ask for it, no one would, but the man who said that has the right to think that if he wants. It may make him look like a really big ass, but if he has the courage to voice his opinions then he knows he will have to deal with the backlash. So here's to you mr.ass, -i think you need to take a good look around at the world, rape can happen to anyone, not just girls, and to think that a girl would ask for her innocense to be stolen from her only gives more power & strength to the pricks who commit the horrible act. Now that i have gotten that out lets move on.

A shirt, a piece of cotton, that shows strength and courage, but can also strike fear in many. Is it right? Is it wrong? Truly i think its neither. If a person is willing to admit that they have fallen victim to an attack then more power to them to voice their courage, but if a person has not yet reached that stage then thats okay too. We all learn in time how to move on, some are willing to admit and others would rather sweep it under the rug, at the end of the day the important part is your own personal well being. The shirt is a good idea, it does bring attention to the issue, but a part of me is screaming out that it will be taken and abused, that it will loose its meaning and become simply a joke that you wear to the bar. I would like to think this is not a possibility but i no it is (how many times do you hear things like "you cant rape the willing"??)

It's such a touchy topic, you dont want to say the wrong thing and have your words mistaken for something you dont mean. It's often not something that is openly talked about on a daily basis and you wouldnt want to offend anyone. This shirt is putting a light on the issue as a whole, which i think is a good thing, it is bringing forth how this happens all the time and so many people are terrified to be open about it or they feel to ashamed to say anything. We are told to be strong, to not depend on others, to keep moving and not break down, but really maybe we need to stop instilling that on ourselves. We need to teach people that its okay to cry, its fine to feel something other than that fake happy facade so many of us put on everyday, that we can not always be an island. there is beauty in the breakdown, to admit you have become a victim of someone or something is not a bad thing. It's okay to talk about it, being open and accepting is the key to a better society, not keeping ourselves closed off and alone. Sure for some of us it works, but at some point i would assume it becomes to much for us to bare by ourselves and we will need to find that someone to confide in or it might just end up tear us apart.

So consider this, roughly every 2 min someone is sexually assaulted, which means if you just spent the last 2-3 min reading this, then at least 1 person has become a victim. Now consider how many of all the victims will come forth and get the justice they deserve, no many, so really in the timespan of this blog, somewhere out there is person who has had a part of them stolen, we will never know them, they will be just another face in the crowd, they can end up being anyone, your friend, your lover, your neighbor, that person next to you in a lecture, the person sitting next to you on a bus. For the rest their life they will have to deal with something that so many of us will never understand, they will know a pain that they will never be able to fix, a part of them has broken, so how do we help fix them? Can we?

Kill Marry F

So how many of you actually know what that is.Well briefly its actually Kill Marry Fuck (and in some cases if you have 4 you can add conjoined)...It's a game, and basically you find a picture of 3 or 4 people and you decide which person you would do each with...how does this come into play you may wonder (by the end of this it all connects)..it seems rather stupid and it is. but i dont no its funny to see who would do wat if they had to...this all sort of came about after watching a youtube vid where the cast of SON had to pick which they would do those 4 things with from the cast of 3 way...this in turn got me thinking more about SON (South Of Nowhere) and how i can relate to it...SON is about this girl, Spencer Carlin, who moves from Ohio to California and meets the intriguing Ashley Davies. Ashley is "not into labels" and Spencer starts out straight, gets a little bended and eventually jump ship and joins the other team. thats the story in a nutshell. but how do i relate, well i dont have an Ashley davies, i didnt move, and i dont have a psycho homophobic mother, but i did have the whole " straight, bend, change"... yes thats right, for anyone who didnt know by now im gay...*pauses for a moment to let you take that in like you didnt already know*...

When you admit to being Gay it's kind of a big deal, i mean you never really know how people are going to take it, will they hate you, love you, ditch you, tell you your going to hell, there are endless possibilities. luckily for me i didnt have that really, parents are good, friends are okay (i sometimes wonder though if they really are), and any one who isnt cool hasnt said much to me yet. In the LGBQTT community (which i have only now really become a part of, but was intrigued by for many years) most would say they were born the way they are, and this is pretty much the only thing i cant figure out for myself. I think perhaps i was, looking back i wasnt into boys (really there was only 1 i liked), but then again its not like i was secretly pinning for girls (at least not really till grade 11)...I was just more on the outside, just sort of like watever, play the straight card, pretend to like boys ( "I was so in Denial" as my friend would say), plaster my walls in pictures of male actors and models (which now i am just to lazy to take down so they are still up there)...i suppose i was probably born this way and thats fine, but i sometimes wonder if it was more of a choice. I choose to like girls over boys maybe its that simple, its not like i have to ( i suppose i could lie and choose boys) but really why lie? Some people would even say since i havent dated a guy a cant possibly for sure be gay, whats with that? that is like telling a blind person they cant enjoy a sunny day cuz they cant see. Its all about feelings and when you crush on a girl for 2-3 years straight and never look at a boy, im pretty sure that makes you fit the profile, add in a few more crushes, a kiss, and well ya it all suddenly makes sense. i mean there is more to this than i am willing to tell, but just trust me on this. inside i no im gay, i no im different, i no what i feel, and i know who i feel wat towards.

Its like the world is a whole new place to me right now, like its the same place i have always been, but now its that much better. i dont spend nights wondering about my future and who i will marry. i dont have to fight with myself over the feelings i had for a girl. i dont feel so out of place and lost. i feel like i fit somewhere. i feel like there are others out there like me. i feel like for once in my life things may actually work out better than i thought. i also feel like the friends i have that stand beside me now are true. that i dont have to worry about them stabbing me in the back. Even though the 2 of them were like "i kinda thought so", it's cool to have them around and at my side. it's even better that the one girl i crushed on for so long, is in no way freaked out over the crush, she knew and now loves to play it up.

That is how i got from one stupid game, to feeling a true connection for once with the world around me. this has been a pretty personal blog and i will try to stay away from that but i am okay with all that i have said, and whether the people who choose to read this decide to accept me or not, it really doesnt matter. i have myself, my family, my friends, and most of all i have a future that looks kinda bright...
...I think i am found....